Should I apologize for being a Stay At Home Mother?

I am a stay at home mother of 2 boys; just this statement is lending me into so much trouble these days. It is like there is something wrong with me being at home with my kids. Everything that I am saying is being judged with the context of being a stay at home mother...I am doing something grossly wrong; something that would affect my and my family’s future very badly?

Yes that is what I was told!

Funny thing is I decided to stay at home not for my child but for other reasons; some other responsibilities. This decision was taken 2.5 years back but I continue to live with the decision. Yes I have an option of going back to my professional life right now but I don’t want to.

My younger one is 1 year old; when my elder one was one year old I was already in office. Working from 9-10; yes I was putting in that many hours to overcome the gap that my maternity leave of few months had created. But it went on; I continued to work like this. I loved my job. In process I had climbed the stairs of success in my career quite quickly but I had missed my son’s first steps; first words and first almost everything.

This is what I am enjoying right now with my younger one. I am there; there to experience this wonderful stage. And is there any other place I would rather be?

No absolutely not!

But my decision to be a stay at home mother; is it a judgement on working mothers? No ofcourse not!

It is my decision and it is my life. If another mother is working; it is her decision and her life. There will be ten thousand reasons for me to be at home and there would be ten thousand reasons for you to be in office. Not each reason is justified but who am I to judge and question?

I have said it again and again; I believe every mother is a good mother. Situations can be different; people can be different; children can be different but a mother will always be a mother (I am excluding exceptions here).

I really really dislike being judged and commented on for being a stay at home mother. And I dislike when people say it has no merits. Ofcourse it has merits; I have been on both sides and I can say with 100% confidence it has merits.

Please don’t take away the merits by calling them logistics. They are not logistics. These so called logistics can be managed by others; I agree but saying that there is no merit when a mother does them; I disagree.

I am educated, independent and have an open mind and I am sure all the time that my kids are spending with me is helping them and creating a better base for them. I am teaching them things that I know others can also teach but I am their mother and ofcourse I am doing it better than others.

Don’t take away my efforts by calling them worthless. They are not!

Please don’t look down upon me and tell me I have done injustice to myself; my education and my career. Being a stay at home mother doesn’t make me a better mother and similarly being a working mother doesn’t give an upper hand to any one.

A mother is a mother. When did it become Working vs. Stay at home?? And Why?? What is the constant need to prove superiority over the other section?? Is this the only way we know how to rise; by looking down on others?? Is this a way a working mother justifies her decision; but why is there a justification needed? And stay at home mothers; why do we call ourselves “not just a mom”; why should we clarify? What is the need for clarifications?

Yes that is why I am just a mom. I don’t see the need of any other clarification and I don’t see the need of any tags to add to my role. My role is a job definition in itself.

Have you ever heard anyone say “Not just a manager? Or Not just a CA? Or not just a lawyer etc?” No right?

Then why should I define my role any further. I am a mother and if I have any other qualification to share; I may share or I may not but I will not justify my role as a mother.

One of the other things that I have been told again and again since I quit my job is that my kids will never learn to be independent because I am at home. I beg to differ!

I was brought up by a stay at home mother and I am furiously independent since as long as I can remember. My mother taught us the value of hard work and being independent and I am passing on the same values to my children inspite of being at home.

I am independent inspite of being mostly home bound and my 4 year old is independent inspite of me being stay at home. I do not want to brag about him and the things he can do on his own because it is not important. What is important is to understand that same values can be taught by being at home and not being at home also. But the amount of time and effort each will take would be different. And ofcourse being at home makes my journey more colourful and filled with more memories.

At the end of the day I am just a mom.....why should anyone care if I am working or not?

Disclaimer: The above writeup is my personal opinion. It is not targeted to any individual; working or not working. I request everyone to read it in the same context.