Candid moments with Ar

My elder one Ar is growing really fast and is daily coming up with new antics. I needed a place to journal these candid moments with him, hence I am starting a new section " Candid Moments with Ar"...(which I cross my heart and promise I will use to embarrass him when I am old and I have nothing better to do :D)

A really cute episode from last week

"Ar: Mumma see I made Hulladho car (From lego)

Me: Hulladho?? (thinking hard...really hard!)

Me: Aah its alladin beta not Hulladho (Impressed that he remembered the story after months) A big kiss on the cheeks

Ar: Arey no no tell me name of both uncle and aunty

Me: Aunty..who aunty in Alladin??

Me: Alladin and 40 chor right?

Ar: No that song on TV with “No pants aunty”

"Hulladho ee hai,..fir bepui hai..tere pyar main”(Song from the movie Race: Allah duhai hai..) 

Me: Jaw on the floor!!!!

Party planner for your kid's birthday at home

Image by http://farm5.staticflickr.com

Not all birthday parties for your kids can be lavish but each birthday is special and each party should be special.How do we make sure that the child feels same amount of love and efforts at each birthday party?

This is a write up to help organize a simple, homely but special birthday party. (Relevant to age group 3-6 years)

One of the easiest ways to plan a good and hassle free party is to come up with a theme. I use very simple and uncomplicated themes (obviously post discussing it with my 4 year old). I am not suggesting anything complicated like a costume/fancy dress party but a generic theme that would be a part of your decorations and cake.

For e.g. Spiderman, Chota bheem, Winnie the poh or Barbie etc

After you have finalized a theme, it’s time to work on the details of the party only within the theme.

Following is a list of things that are a part of my planning:

Invitations

There is a lot of variety in terms of invitations available in market. Generally I am a big fan of DIY for kids but there are so many options at good price available in market that I avoid the effort of doing it myself. (They are as cheap as 1 rs per invite and go up-to around 7-8 rs). They are not very expensive and yet give a special feel.

There are a lot of options available on line also like Chhota bheem invites, Pooh invites etc. These can be bought at much lesser price also if you become a member and keep a tab on the online sales which keeps happening through out the year.

Make sure to order atleast 7-10 days in advance.

List of Invitees

Prepare a masterlist of invitees and save it. This list can be used as reference for coming years. (I have illustrated my master list towards the end)

Decorations 

Decorations can be as per the theme selected. So for example if the theme I selected was Chhota bheem, following items will be as per theme:

1. Banners: There are a lot of banners available for birthdays. Some of them that I use are:

· Birthday banner saying Happy b’day (Is available in different themes like Chhota bheem etc) (around Rs 75 for one banner)

· Banners for age: There are number banners that I used for my son’s 4th b’day and was a big hit. (These come with the age number printed on the design, nice and colorful. "Age banners")

You can be more creative and add more banners and wall posters if your budget permits. A lot of options are available like Its a party banner, Party zone banner etc.

2. Ribbons and balloons: 

· We use the traditional twist ribbon decoration across the party room. Very cheap and looks very pretty.

· For balloons a lot of options are available like Metallic finish, heart shaped, spotted etc. We use a mix of color that goes with the theme for e.g For a spiderman theme you would ideally want lots of red and black balloons.

· Stick the balloons on the walls but do not forget to throw lots and lots of balloons on the floor for the kids to play and fool around

· Center balloon. Do not forget the center balloon (Big balloon to be placed just above the cake)....fill it with goodies, I avoid filling it with decoration items like thermacol balls etc, instead I use small candies and toffees.

3. Candles:

You can get theme candles also and if not than age candles are a lot of fun. (Price between Rs 50-Rs 100)

4. Noise makers:

This is a kid’s party and hence noise pollution is most welcome. There are a lot of options available like whistles and blow horns. Again same are available as per themes also. (Price is around 7-10 Rs per item)

5. Party accessories:

You can buy caps, masks etc matching with your themes like this Chhota bheem mask (Price between Rs 6-10 item)

Cutlery:

It depends on the type and quantity of food you are serving at the party. I am an advocate of take away parcels and may graduate to proper party food in few years when my kids are little older but right now take aways work best for me (less mess and headaches)

I would normally serve cake, wafers and a tetra pack of any fruit juice.Below is a list of basic requirement:

· Paper plates

· Spoons

· Napkins

· Cups

· Straws 

These are also available as per themes like Chhota bheem paper plates (price between 7-10 per plate), Chhota bheem cups (price between 4-5 per item), Chhota bheem napkins (price between Rs 2-4 per item)

Entertainment:

First and foremost be aware of the latest fad of music amongst your kid’s agegroup. And arrange for the same. No better entertainment then some great music, fun dancing and loud cheering from your side.

Beyond this I do not recommend any party games for this age group because I don’t think they have the patience to sit and play games even at parties....just let them be....

Don’t forget to announce the best dancer after the party and handover a special gift (you can be innovative, can come up with a sachet “Best dancer”)

Cake:

For cake, ideally order one that will go with your theme but themed cakes are more expensive than normal ones (anywhere between Rs 1000-2000 for a two kg cake). If you do not want to spend this much, you can order a normal cake but use a themed candle, with a themed table cover to make it more special.

Return gift:

No party today is complete without return gifts. Some of the good, relevant and inexpensive ideas that I recommend are:

· A goody bag: A gift bag full of small interesting items related to the theme like Spiderman tattoos, stickers, badges, colors, bottles etc (Can customize for girls and boys, can add fashion accessories etc for girls)

· Coloring books

· Story books

· Crayons

· Watches

· Mugs

· Cars

· Bubble guns

· Goggles

· Wallets

· Bags etc

If you have different age groups of kids attending the party, then make sure that you buy age appropriate return gifts.

I do not recommend buying return gifts online, there would be a lot of cheaper and better options available at your local vendor.

Other then these, I have been buying products from Firstcry and Babyoye.com (To go with my theme). These keep going on sale on and off. Take the free membership of the sites and you will be regularly updated of the ongoing sales and buy them anytime of the year.

Prepare a master check list:

Prepare a master check list incorporating all the above points. A copy of my check lists for planning and invitations is illustrated below:

Master Checklist

Invites checklist

"It’s been a year"

It’s been a year

A year since you became a part of us...a part of me

A year since the joy, its glow and its glee

It’s been a year since I held u in my arm and felt warm

A year since I felt complete....

Like there is nothing else I will need

This walk with you has been, one of constant awe...

Awed by your love, your laughter, your grins and your smile

A year full of your songs, your dances and my unbearable lullabies

A year of stains and strains, of your antics and my sighs

A year of sibling worship, of your only boys club

Of innumerable tickles, games, back rides and rubs

Of me being a nub and getting a royal snub...

Image by Mama hiro

May this bond grow more with each year,

May you learn to love more and never fear,

I am there to take care of all hitches, 

I am there to handle whatever life pitches,

I am there to shield you from any harm; I am there to make you feel warm,

May the brightest rays fill your heart and your life each day, my love

Wish you a great year and many such great birthdays , my love

- Your mom-

This is a heartfelt birthday wish for my younger cub 

who turns "One year" today i.e.6-6-13

Letters to future

Smriti was waiting patiently, it was her 25th birthday, Vikas has thrown her a surprise party and all her friends were there but her heart was not there. Amrita had called in the morning, after so many years but Smriti recognised her voice in a second, how could she not?

She had grown up with her, they practically were twins for first 18 yrs of their life before Smiriti left Bhopal for Mumbai and after that they gradually lost touch. Smiriti had infact forgotten about her...completely.

Amrita’s call in the morning brought back a lot of happy memories. Memories of fun,  fights, laughters and love and amongst those were a memory of her 15th birthday.

Memory of a pact...memory of a letter written 10 years back.

Photo by Ramas Gecas

Amrita had called to tell her that she has posted her letter last week and Smiriti should have gotten the letter by now.

In her heart Smiriti knew that she would be getting the letter anytime now. This thought was giving her chills.

This was a letter from 15 year old Smiriti to 25 year old Smiriti. It was a pact between two best friends to chalk out a future plan for their life....

She vaguely remembered writing the letter, with a lot of hope and excitement. She really hoped that she has not disappointed 15 yr old Smriti.

The bell rang and the letter had found her way to Smiriti’s house.She excused herself from the party and tentatively opened the letter.

“Hey Me!!...congrats you are 25 year old today and this is what I think you are as a 25 year old young lady

You have finished your education and are employed somewhere
You are under 50 kgs of weight, have no braces and can be called “Hot”
Not living in Bhopal
Not living with parents
Have a boyfriend/prospective husband
Have travelled to atleast one continent
I want to add a lot more to the list but I know you would still be a mortal soul at 25 yrs...so this should be enough 

PS: If by any chance you have not achieved anything or everything from the above list and you still live here with Ma Baba...You dork!!!!!!!! I still love you and I am sure you would have achieved the most important thing by now.

You are “Happy and content” with whatever you are, and I am proud of you!!!”

Smriti was really surprised after reading the letter, even at 15 years of young age, she had the wisdom to foresee a really simple and uncomplicated life. 

And she was relieved that she had fulfilled almost all the wishes on her list (she was an MBA, quite good looking, working for one of the best business houses in India, was married last month and there is one extra little surprise to look forward to) but above all she was very happy and content with her life.

She immediately called Amrita to tell her that she will keep the pact and write a letter to 35 year old Smriti and will mail it to Amrita soon.

Ten years down the line.....

Smriti had just finished a very important meeting and had clenched a client from competition’s jaws. There was celebration in office, people were shouting her name, there was a long queue of colleagues waiting to congratulate her, to shake her hands but Smriti knew all these will go back and openly speculate about her success in the company...each and every one of them. She had moved up...reached a rank in the organisation that others only dreamt of..

Smriti knew she had climbed the success ladder directly or indirectly stepping on all their dreams but she didn’t care. She had no friends but she didn’t care. She is living the dream of any middle class girl from a small town.

Suddenly she realised her cellphone was ringing. She thought it has to be some stupid client at this unearthly hour...it was a familiar number. She strained her eyes and her memory, what is this number? Ohh its from Bhopal...May be Ma was finally calling her back.

She hurriedly picked up the phone and was shocked to hear the voice on the other end. It was Amrita, calling her to wish her a happy birthday and to inform her that her letter had reached her home address.

Smiriti with a lot of difficulty mumbled a thank you and kept the phone down. All her old memories came rushing back, they were pushing the old vulnerable Smriti to come out. She couldn’t take it anymore and ran from the office not caring for the gaping eyes at her face...Why is her face wet? Why can’t she see properly? Is it raining? Oh god she couldn’t believe it she was crying. After years she was crying and she thought that her tears had dried up after Vikas left her 3 years back.

She reached home and the letter was at the door waiting for her.She took a deep breath and realized she will have to open the letter and read it, for her own sanity.

“Hey Mumma...wish you a very happy 35th birthday...
I know you are a very happy and doting mom (I sincerely hope it would be 2 kids by now)
I hope you have a very successful career
Vikas has managed to break even in his business and is earning profits now
You are under 60 kgs
And a yum mum (You know what i mean!!!)

PS: It’s ok if you do not have a successful career I have heard it can be difficult to manage both career and kids. I am very proud of you and I know you are still happy and content”

With the letter the world came crashing down around Smriti, she remembered when she was writing this letter she had just realised she was expecting.....

The old painful memories were coming back "How she was offered a very lucrative offer in US immediately after her 25th birthday with a condition to join immediately, how she decided to terminate the pregnancy without telling Vikas...she remembered his hurt face when he came to know about it"

And post that they just drifted apart but she never realised how drastically things were changing.

She remember the day 4 years back, her doctor told them that it will be very difficult for them to conceive if they waited any longer. This was the first warning sign...

Vikas wanted to try right away and was willing to throw away anything for it. He begged and reminded her how much she wanted a kid when they first got married. But she thought she was still young (Though in her heart she knew may be her body was saying something else but she pushed the feeling down) and accepted her next project.

Her body kept telling her to slow down, warning her that there was something wrong, something is dying inside, something is changing forever but she kept ignoring and burying the voice down.

Finally 3 years back she decided to do the tests.....her worst fears came true. Her body had given up, the chances of them conceiving was very rare. 

By that time Vikas and her marriage was already on the rocks and this proved to be the last straw.

Smiriti was holding the letter and crying inconsolably. How did she reach where she was?She has not only distanced herself from anyone who loved her but she has also distanced herself from everything she loved and ever wanted from her life. She has disappointed even her 25 year old self

There were so many warning signs...she knew in her heart something was wrong. The reminder was there...days after days, months after months. Why did she not see those warning signs?? Rather why did she see the warning signs and still ignore them?

Then suddenly she realised the warning signs are still there and now she will do something about them. Smriti forced herself to get up and made a promise to herself 

"She will sculpt a better life for the 45 year old Smriti"

This post has been written as an entry for Colgate Total’s ‘The Moral of the Story is…!’competition on IndiBlogger. Find out more at My Healthy Speak Blog. 

Raise yourself.....to stop raised hands

“Thad” came the sound and Vipul came running out of his room....alas his worst fears came true. His Ma was on the floor and Baba was pouncing on her again. For a 10 year old this was too much to bear every night.
He thought to himself "No I cannot let this happen to Ma again and again...how will I be able to look at my own face after looking at the blues and bruises of Ma’s", so inspite of repeated warnings of his dad he budged in and held his dad's hand...tightly....very tightly...with all the strength of a 10 yr old....

“Thad”...came a sound again and...again...and a physical impact which was enough to throw Vipul down on the ground.

It was not from his dad but from his mom...with a scream “How can you hold your dad’s hands and threaten him....he is a man....man of the house...my husband, your dad...he can do whatever he wants....”

22 years down the line, same household...same sounds...Thad...Fhat....thad!!!

Vipul was violently pouncing on his wife in front of his parents....and no one stopped him. People passing by the house could hear the slaughter but no one cared to even stop, this was normal, every day occurring.

(Legacy continues!!)

In the same house eight year old Ajay and ten year old Asha were looking from the corner.....

Asha " Ajay it will be alright. Don't worry, Ma said it is ok"

Ajay "No this is not right.....how can this be okay? Why should Baba beat up Ma just because he is a man?? Don't you remember what Teacher didi said? Man and woman are equal and no man should raise his hand on a woman. Teacher di is right....this is wrong and we will fight against it"

Ajay and Asha jumped to their mom’s rescue, in process got beaten up themselves several times but with each beating their values against violence became more and more strong....(with constant counselling and support of teacher didi)

(Correct Education had pierced through the thick walls of this house....Now change was inevitable)

Few more years down the line...

Same house but it exudes happiness and glow. People passing by can still hear noise but the noise is from kids playing, laughing. The deafening sound of kids running towards him, the smile and twinkle in his wife’s eyes when he enters the house  makes each day worth living for Ajay.......The change has happened...

This is a happy home....full of love, care, laughters and bliss.....Amay and Kriti both know how much Ma and Baba love each other and love both of them....(equally)

And in a neighboring town, Asha was in the kitchen hurriedly finishing up cooking. She has to help Puja (her 8 year old daughter) with her studies and complete her office project file also. Her husband was out of station.She heard loud noises from her neighbors house,fearing the worst she ran towards the house and saw the husband raising his hand to hit his wife and kids....

Thad....thad!!!

The sound was from the wife, raising her hand to stop the blow and shutting the door after leaving the house.

Asha took a deep breath...a relieved breath. Her conversation with the neighbor has had some impact. Finally she realized it was not right and stood up against the violence

(Legacy of education and righteousness will continue)..

This was a fictional story...to depict the existence and reason behind existence of domestic violence in our country.

Yes...the abuser is mostly man of the house but Is the man really responsible for this behaviour?

NO!!

Women are responsible....responsible for thinking getting beaten up by their husbands is okay and they impart the same education to their sons and daughters...who in turn would become the abuser and abusee....

It’s high time we realize that we need to change our social system based on gender bias. It is high time that we intervene through correct education and create a parallel system based on gender equality.

We do not need to educate only men...ofcourse we should talk to men also but the primary education needs to be provided to the woman and children of the house.

A woman should be educated and counselled about all the legal rights she has. Rights not against men but rights similar and equal to men...and she should be encouraged to pass on and share this knowledge with her children.

And all children compulsorily should be educated about gender equality at school. There should be programs specially designed for this starting at an early age of 5-6 years..

And last but not the least it is a responsibility of each and every parent to educate and practice gender equality at home.......same rules, same rights and same punishments for both boys and girls.

This will be more difficult for parents of boys (Yes boys not girls) because it is easy to teach any capable girl that you are capable no matter what anyone says....but it will be far more difficult to teach boys that you are capable only basis your efficiency and not because of your gender......

Let’s bring it out in open, bring it in our households...let’s take an initiative and talk about it with our kids today and on every possible occasion in future....

Let’s make homes safer for women 

This post is written with a focus on domestic violence, as a part of the initiative “Ring the bell for Indi Change” propelled by www.bellbajao.org

Image courtsey Voicesfordignity.com